Parenting Rewards

Before I tackle my main topic, I would like to address the issue of the previous post, work and such. In my quest for 'quick work', that is work that can be done without a lot of prep or being hired and such, I have come back to an old favorite of portrait photography. I've got the equipment and skills (technically). The thing that I lack is enough confidence and successful marketing. In this case it seems like I will have to muster determination and apply the saying of; If you don't succeed at first, try, try again. More on this later.

Now to the main topic. One of the early rewards of parenting are the smiles, giggles and laughter that one inevitably sees and hears in the early years of child-rearing. Children like to play and have fun. Being a major contributor to creating an environment where they can play and have fun safely is a great reward. For me when my kids were little , that was my my goal as a parent, to give them that safe happy environment. It wasn't the physical surroundings like house and neighborhood, it was the emotional surroundings. They knew Mom and Dad were okay and would love and protect them. Being a part of their play and laughter was key too, serious bonding going on here.

As they got older I was always there for them, involved in their world through elementary and middle school right up to high school. All the sports, and plays and family activities, I was there as much as I could be. Occasionally I would miss something for work but my heart was always with the family. Being there was easier for me than some as I never got far up any corporate ladder. Anyway, the older the kids got I never let myself feel afraid that they'd find out I was human and flawed. Actually, I did think of that from time to time, but I didn't let it stop me from interacting with them. I say that because I suspect that it is a temptation with a lot of men. Stay with them Dads!

When your children are older you still need to bond with them and maintain it. Be their best friend, do things together. When girls get older they won't need to find boyfriends until later, and boys will have a healthy role model as to what a man is and does. Also you will see them flourish in the things they love whether it's sports, music, theater, arts, whatever it is, you can remember that you gave them than environment to flourish in. That can be more satisfying than anything done for a corporation and can last a whole lot longer, generations longer.

The Parental Marathon

Having kids is the first step. I remember being scared of all the things that could go wrong before the birth. When the birth is over and everyone id fine, such elation and relief.

Then the marathon begins, keeping up with the behaviors, learning the language and trying to get enough rest. My wife read books and articles on child development so we knew what was coming. That helped an awful lot. My biggest concern was to make sure that they were happy. I didn't want to have them worrying at all about things at home. That was to be a safe haven, a refuge from the outside world.

Having two daughters I learned that my presence and involvement in their lives was very important. My wife and I would teach them about the world, I would teach them about all things men. To do that I would 1) have to be there. Be involved, engaged, an active part of their lives. Do things with them, go places and communicate with them. 2) somehow put aside my fears, anxieties and self-doubts and lead by example. They would observe and 'catch' what being a man meant by watching me day to day.

Dads, if you are there for your daughters, be there in body and mind. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Mistakes will happen, just keep going. Be involved in their world. Let them know you love them unconditionally and they are important to you. Giving them that knowledge will carry them far in life. When you give them the love they need growing up, they won't go looking for it from another man when they're older.

I hope this is an encouragement along the way.

Our Children

By "our children", I mean it collectively, as in all our children. Recently, I was helping out our daughter by getting signatures for a National Honors Society application. She was invited to join, yea, she's that good. The people I got the signatures from all said nice things about her and wished her well. It felt good to know that she had a positive effect on people. Her life is so different from mine, academically and personally.

When I was growing up I had issues that kept me from fulfilling my potential. Family issues that impacted me and caused me emotional pain on a subconscious level. Pain that I tried to mask with sex, drugs and rock n' roll. As far as school went, I was there because I had to be and I did what I had to to get by, and I got by, that was it. College was pretty much the same thing, just get through.

Since I've gotten married and had children, I've had a lot of time to reflect on my life. I've noticed some patterns and made some decisions in regards to child raising. The main one being that I would give my kids what I didn't get. By this time I had talked to a few therapists and realized some things about my life. One, that a lot of my issues started when I was really little with the decisions my parents made about raising me and two, I didn't want my kids to have those issues in there lives.

What I did want was for them to grow up happy and secure. That decision would take and did take a lot of love, attention, and interaction. For the next eighteen years I did all that I could to make sure they knew they were loved and had nothing to worry about at home. It worked, today, they are well adjusted and doing well, much better than I did at that age with a wonderful world of possibilities ahead of them.

If there's one thing I want to say in this post it's that parenting takes a lot of energy and active involvement. Be there for your children. They really want you more than toys and things. Time with Mom & Dad are the precious moments that will last forever.